


Sanders Sides Drabble/One-Shot Collection

by GalekhXigisi



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Beta Deceit Sanders, Child Abuse, Deceit Sanders Has a Different Name, Divorce, Drabble, Drabble Collection, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Menstruation, Multi, Nonbinary Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Omega Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Trans Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Trans Male Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Winged Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-08-31 22:54:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 7,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20247985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalekhXigisi/pseuds/GalekhXigisi
Summary: A bunch of one-shots and drabbles I wrote on my phone for ships/ideas that I don't feel like fully fleshing out. I take requests





	1. Chapter 1

Virgil runs their hands through the older sides' hair, smiling half-heartedly at the bed-headed lover. Logan, in all his glory, laid with his head in the younger sides' lap, wings slack as the day's exhaustion filtered over him. Virgil held him close, letting their own wings cup around him. 

"Y'okay, Lo?" 

The side at hand gives a slow nod, though his exterior radiates a tired anger to it. Virgil knows better, though. He's not truly angry at the other side. Instead, he's just a few moments from falling asleep, brows creased with exhaustion. 

"I'm fine, Vee," he yawns in reply. He snuggles closer, eyes falling shut and brows creasing. "My apologies for not watching a movie with you tonight." 

"We skipped one movie night. It's okay. We can just watch one tomorrow night." 

Logan gives another tired nod. The logical side wraps his arms around their waist, much cuddlier in his exhaust-ridden form than normal. Virgil doesn't mind, leaning down to give a gentle peck to their boyfriend's lips. "Sleep well, Lo. I love you." 

"I love you, too," the side replies with a gentle smile before sleep overtook him. 


	2. Patton/Virgil focus (technically LAMP/CALM)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton wants to know why he's never seen Virgil truly laugh.

After so long of being together, the sides slowly noticed more and more things about Virgil. Sometimes, they pried worry out of them, while others were fascinating, and so on. 

Now, though, Patton sits with his side pressed against the youngest, the two breathing in sync while Virgil read through his phone and Patton half-heartedly knitted. Logan and Roman were both passed out on the logical sides' bed, just a few feet away from the foot where the two sat together. 

"Virgil," Patton asks, wanting his attention. He knows the taller has one earbud out, the cords looped over the back of his ears so he could hear if someone said his name. He hums. "Why don't you laugh out loud?" 

He had never seen Virgil let out a full laugh, not like he had all the others, heads thrown back and mouths wide as they laughed at whatever had entrapped their attention. Virgil would always give a chuckle, hand coming up to his mouth, blocking off his smile and laugh alike. It worried the fatherly side, honestly. 

Virgil seizes, breath hitching. He frowns, pausing his music and setting his phone down. He turns to the other, brow raised. "Do you really want to go into this conversation, Pat?..." 

Patton feels the entire rooms' atmosphere shift. It was like any of the other times they had had serious conversations. So, Patton softly asks, "Do you want my full attention for this or do you want me to keep knitting so it doesn't feel like confrontation?" 

"Please keep knitting." 

Patton nods, eyes turning down. "Okay, love, go for it." 

"You… you know how I used to be a Dark Side, right?" 

Patton pauses, hands stopping. He…  _ hadn't  _ known that. So, he quietly supplies, "No… I actually didn't." 

"Oh… well, yeah, there's that." 

"We don't have to go into it, Vee. It's okay." 

Virgil pauses, the sounds of him breathing coming quietly. "Logan and Roman know… I just thought Logan would have told you. Roman knows because of Remus." 

The mentioned twin was currently with Deceit, doing  _ God knows what. _ Virgil didn't want to know, nor Patton, so Morality gives a nod. "Okay. Thank you for telling me." 

Virgil gives a sharp nod. "Yeah… I'm scared that if I laugh… This is stupid, but…" 

"If it's worrying you, it's obviously not  _ that _ stupid." 

"Thank you." He smiles softly, relaxing somewhat. "I'm always scared that if I laugh, I'll have, like, an evil laugh, I guess… I don't want to be like that anymore. I don't want to be like  _ them."  _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave reviews


	3. DLAMP/CALMD - roommates/Virgil cleans their room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil cleans their room because that's what I'm about right now

Roman frowns As he peers at the hallway, just barely able to slip by the random objects in the hall itself. There was a desk sitting against the wall, notably blank and newly cleaned while the door sat open and Virgil huffed, angrily throwing their self into their project. Their hoodie sat around their hips, the winged figure in nothing more than a tank top and booty shorts, binder discarded in a pile of clothes. Roman pushes past the things, finding Logan and Patton at the table, Damien passed out on the couch. The room was lowered with an assortment of Virgils' things around, namely being their mattress, taken apart bed frame, and desk chair. 

"What's Vee doing," Roman asks the two that were still awake. 

Logan sighs, tiredly sipping on coffee. "Virgil is in a mood and completely cleaning their room. They've been calling it their  _ "deep cleansing"  _ of the month." He glances at Roman, bags under his eyes. "They've been doing it all night." 

"It's nine in the morning." 

Logan groans and nods while Patton smiles and pats him on the back. "He didn't sleep much because he was studying, Ro, don't mind him." 

"What about Dee?" Roman points a thumb back at the fifth piece to their relationship. 

"They got called in for work last night. When did you go to sleep? I didn't see you when I got home." 

Roman sighs. "I think I went to sleep almost as soon as I got home. Vee was still in bed. I was tired as Hell." 

"You got home at four?" Logan asks. 

"Four-ish," the other replies with a shrug. "I had to drop off Remus and I believe you were still in class when I got home." 

"This is confusing." 

"Yes, specs, it is." 

Virgil let's out a loud yelp, the noises of something crashing following their distressed call, another following of a loud, rather angry and hurt,  _ "Fuck."  _

Patton was the first through, slipping past the desk with a rather fierce amount of determination, Roman next, then lastly Logan. Their bird-like friend laid on the floor, a box on top of their wing. They looked more inconvenience than anything, roughly pushing the box away before giving a flutter of their wings to push their self up. They give the box an angry kick before grabbing their foot, teeth grit, glaring. 

"Kiddo, you okay?" 

Virgil turns to Patton, seemingly relaxing at seeing the three standing there as they give their wing a half-hearted stretch. They examine it for a moment before nodding, slow and seemingly calmer. "Yeah. Nothing's broke, I'm fine." They give it another assortment of testing movements, calming down slowly. 

"Are you sure, Dark and Stormy? You don't normally play Pocket Full Of Sunshine when you're feeling alright." 

Virgil turns to the speakers on their floor, phone hooked to them with a Bluetooth connection. It was the last thing left, the floor completely clean now. They frown at listening to the song. "Forgot I was playing it, honestly," they reply, sighing as they lean down to flip it. 


	4. Analogical (hinted DLAMP/CALMD) - menstrual comfort

Logan gently presses against the others' back, hyper-aware of the soft whimpers he's getting as replies. Logan isn't hurting him, he knows, but it doesn't help. The pained noises make his insides churn unhappily, cringing silently. 

Virgil sits in front of the other, the bottoms of his feet touching, legs open while his knees press to the floor. His hands sit folded in front of him. It looked rather uncomfortable, especially with the all too straight back, but Logan knows better. He knows the other is in an incredible amount of pain. He can feel the muscles tense and release unhappily, angrily taking a hold of him. 

"I can't do this," Virgil whimpers, inhaling sharply. 

Logan pulls away frowning. "Do what, Dear? Are you alright? I didn't hurt you, did I?" 

"No, no, Lo, you're fine." He suddenly stands, stretching frantically. The dramatic pops are much louder than Logan had intended. "I meant how I was sitting. Position hurts." 

"One to ten on current pain?" 

"Rough seven." He suddenly sits back down, repositioning so he's half-heartedly draped across his boyfriends' lap, back turned towards him where Logan instantly starts up once more. "When will the others be back?" 

"Around five. Patton had to pick up Dee and Roman from work so they'll be a little later than normal." 

Virgil nods, slow and timid. "Okay." 


	5. Divorce au, past Deceit/Patton, heavy Deceit & Virgil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil doesn't have a good day so Damien (Deceit) attempts to comfort him. Instead, the sobbing teenager more than just cries to his father, even coming out to him amidst the sobs.

Damien watches as the youngest of the children runs past him, not even bothering to say anything before stomping their way up the stairs with an angry pout. Remus at least gives his father a hug, smiling as he supplies, "Hi, Dad!" He walks away without another remark. 

Damien warily glances at Patton, who stands in the doorway with a tired expression, but still a happy one all the same. After this week, Damien wouldn't blame him, the two coordinating with each other to sign off on enough legal document to single-handedly fuck up both of their wrists. They'd talked more now since their entire divorce. 

"Is Payton alright," Damien softly asks. 

Patton sighs. He had picked the two children up from school, but, from what Damien could tell simply through his exes' expression, he didn't exactly have much information. It's only confirmed when Patton supplies, "She hasn't talked to me at all today, honestly. Remus won't tell me what's going on, either." 

The two chat for only a moment. They were on better terms than they had been months ago when Damien was so deeply in love with Patton, Patton falling out of that just as easily as he fell in. They at least had a swell marriage for the twenty years that it lasted. Damien had been rather angry that they broke up on their anniversary, so incredibly hurt then. But, now, he only takes pity on the man who had to force himself to love when he simply couldn't then. They were friends, even if they were distant. 

"I've gotta go pick up Roman and Logan. It was nice talking to you, though." 

"I have one question before you leave, Pat." 

"Yes, Dee?" 

Damien pauses at the nickname, playing it off to shoot the question before the got it. "How in the  _ fuck _ do I give her the sex talk when I get to it?" 

Pattons' cheeks turn bright red, the man immediately stumbling over his words. "Well, uh, the boys sort of learned on their own, and, uh… I-I don't really-" 

"So just google it," Damien interrupts for the sake of his beet-red friend. Patton gives a sudden nod, unable to hide the blush on his cheeks. I'm all reality, both felt they should have done that earlier on, but neither were going to admit that out loud, not now. They do exchange goodbyes, hugging each other with smiles before Damien silently decides to at least help the youngest child in their family tree. He knew better than to let them stew in their thoughts.

He tentatively wraps his knuckles on the door, watching as Remus skips to his room, smiling, "Hello, father," before going to his room. As odd of a child as he was, Damien couldn't help but love his son, smiling. 

The yells of the youngest come out loud and clear over the music. It's old music, things Damien remembered from when  _ he  _ was young. He frowns, listening intently for the,  _ "What?"  _ At least they were talking to him. 

"Are you alright, dear? Your padre said you haven't talked to him at all today. You usually love talking to him." 

The preteen suddenly opens the door, tears soaking their face, dark bags beneath their eyes,  _ genuine  _ ones. They sniffle, bringing a hand up to swipe at their face. "He doesn't want me and I don't want him," they angrily bite. 

The words hurt to hear. Whether Damien felt the hurt  _ for  _ Patton or wondered if any of the three other children weren't something he wanted to dwell on. Damien shakes his head, slow and calm as he kneels down to their eye level, sitting on one knee as he runs the pad of his thumb over their cheek, head shaking once more. "No, no, dear, of  _ course,  _ he wants you. What would make you think he doesn't?" 

"Because he only ever talks about everyone else. And he wants  _ them,  _ not me! Me and Remus, we… does he not  _ love  _ us?" 

Damien feels his chest swell with emotions, aching. He knew the youngest came from an abusive home, one that had been abusive in every sense of the word. It brings a painful ache at remembering this. He knows deep,  _ deep _ within his heart that this was more than just Patton not wanting them, but now was not the time for this full conversation. He wasn't going to open that can of worms. The last time he had, they had sobbed for  _ hours, _ not settling down until they passed out from exhaustion. 

So, instead, Damien wipes their tears, shaking his head. "No, dear, he wants you. But… sometimes, adults have to make sacrifices, even if they hurt someone." 

"But was it worth hurting  _ us?"  _

Damien only vaguely knew about their past, not much given to either legal parent then. Now, though, he would get full access to both Remus and the youngests' medical records, as well as anything that went on outside of that. He has a feeling that they'd seen marriages do more than just  _ fall apart. _

"It's bad for adults to do, Payton, but-"

They suddenly look sick, far too pale and aggressively shaking their head. The albino child bursts into tears once again. "No, no, that's a gross name,  _ please  _ don't call me that! It's gross and makes me feel  _ icky."  _

Damiens' expression softens, nodding slowly. "Okay, then, what name would you like?" 

They seem to soften, eyes wide and cries stopping. Tears fall down their cheeks. "You… you can just  _ do _ that?" 

"It's a little harder to legally change, but I'm sure we can do something about it when you finally decide an official name." 

"Virgil!" 

"Virgil?" 

"Yeah, Virgil! Because I'm a boy, just like Remus and Roman and Logan! They're boys! I can be a boy, too!" 

"They are, indeed, Virgil. I have so many handsome sons, don't I?" 

Virgils' cheeks light up red, the boy ducking his face as the blush heats his face. More tears fall, but Damien is there to wipe them away and smile, collecting the broken bits. 

"Do you want me to cut your hair? Im not good at it, but-" 

Virgil frantically nods, excitement lighting him up as he looks at the older. Sure, Damien had taken a multitude of classes to find out how to do his sons' hair, but, the more that he thought about it, the more he realized he used it more with Roman and Remus than Virgil himself. 

Remus seemingly split pronouns lickity split, which made Damien suspect the had been told, but he wasn't going to say anything. The next time Patton saw Virgil, Damien was smiling proudly, holding up their youngest as he yelled across the yard, "Patton, look at our handsome son!" 

Virgil,  _ thankfully,  _ seemed to be doing much better. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep seeing family aus all over Instagram and they have me thriving. I love it.


	6. Shattered - Virgil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil's life is falling apart and he finally, finally, /finally/ accepts it. 
> 
> Warnings: idealized and hinted at/implied suicide, loneliness, slight disassociation, depression, manipulation, passive aggression, parent abuse, neglect
> 
> I will not put warnings on every story, this is just the one that has a lot of important pressing matters to it

Virgil slams the glass across the room, screaming. He's angry, wings extended as things shatter. His desk sat on the floor, crumbled and nothing more than wooden bits now, _ unfixable. _ His screaming could only be so loud before he threw his voice out the window. 

He knew better than to get close to those who dared date his older brother. Damien, in all his glory, was a manipulative fuck. Then again, his boy, no,  _ ex-boyfriend, _ was no fucking better. 

Remy was held on a pedestal in Virgils' mind. He practically parented Virgil when his own parents wouldn't. He  _ had, _ and for months, too. And Virgil knew about everything that went on in their lives, whether it be from Damien or Remy telling him. 

Everything was so violently ripped away once again. Every single time he found a friend, it all had to bee pulled from his grasp. 

He had lost Patton, the friend that Virgil had been through  _ everything  _ with. His transition, the times he had been put in the hospital over his horrid health. They had been friends for  _ years _ before it all fell in. He angrily kicks the wall. 

Patton was the singular dream Virgil had to keep going. It was the dream to get the fuck  _ out. _ He wanted to be the fuck out of state, to be away from the shitty family and horrid life. 

He lost  _ everyone. _ He thinks that maybe Remus was the last of his friends, and even  _ that _ was fading fast, his final long-distance (and only) friend nothing more than two once a week texts. 

No one was home. After months of building up a better self and  _ finally _ forcing himself to clean his room, every single thing was shattered once again. He was back at square one. 

"I give up," he whispers to himself as he collapses on the ground. Everything had been thrown out of his room in a fit of  _ If I didn't need it then, I don't need it now, _ advice he had given himself during it all. 

"I give  _ up."  _

It was the final acceptance of the broken child from a manipulative, passive-aggressive home didn't care about him. 

"I give up. Is that enough for you?" He doesn't know who he's yelling at, nor why, but he supposes he has to get it out there. 

"I… I…  _ give up."  _

He sits on the floor. 

He had bottled up for years, and yet… he finally shatters beneath everything. His tears fall and he wails until everything is numb and he finally draws his last breath. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, I just feel Gucci


	7. Patton/Deceit - Patton & Virgil focus - divorce au

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil quietly confronts Patton about the falling apart marriage.

Patton hates how perceptive the youngest in the home is. He really does. One moment, the eleven-year-old was sitting on the couch, deathly silent as their eyes loomed over where Damien stood a moment before. The next, they stood beside Patton, softly asking, "You don't love him anymore, do you?" 

Patton jumps back, startled by the child suddenly being  _ there. _ The question made his chest feel heavy, made it  _ ache _ so horribly that he sort of wanted to vomit just to get away from it. 

"Kiddo, you scared me," he attempts, trying to get away from the question. 

Virgil shakes their head, silently supplying that they wouldn't let it drop until they got a real answer. "You don't kiss him anymore." They look at the doorway their other father had walked out of only moments ago. "You seem sadder around him, too." 

"Kiddo…" 

"You need to decide what you're going to do, Padre. You're just hurting both of you." 

Before Virgil can leave, Patton softly asks, "Do the others know yet?" 

They shake their head, slow. "Not yet." Their words leave no room for argument. The other three children would definitely know if he kept up how he was. "I just know what falling out of love looks like. My parents did it every night over a case of beer and glasses of wine." With that, they take their leave. 


	8. Divorce au, first menstrual, Virgil & Remus, Virgil & Deceit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil gets his first period and Remus admits a secret that he doesn't want to accept.

Virgil woke up awfully tired, which wasn't exactly the newest thing for him. He was almost always tired with the angry anxiety that turned into uncomfortable insomnia. What  _ was _ new was an ache in his gut. He had felt a similar throb all week, were, but this was  _ new. _ It was stabbing and irrational. He wants to sob at the jabs in his gut. He had been stabbed before and, honestly, this felt an uncomfortable amount similar to those events. He has to run to get to the bathroom on time to keep from vomiting everywhere, the ache too much. 

He goes about his mornings routine, getting into the shower with the lights off before doing whatever else he needed to do. It was all too quick and didn't stop the disgusting feeling that had settled in him sometime during the shower. His body felt too sensitive and his binder only made that lump in his throat more pronounced. 

He found his father in the kitchen, brother at the table while doodling some random drawing that Virgil wasn't ready to take note of. He just sits down and forces himself to breathe. 

Damien raises a brow, setting down the pan he had been cooking in to move over. "You look a little green, Virgil. Are you doing alright?" 

"You also look bloated." 

Damien gives Remus a look, one that silently warns him as he presses the back of his hand to Virgils' forehead. He dutifully reports, "No fever." 

"Just not feeling that well," Virgil mumbles before standing, moving to pull out some Tylenol and muscle relaxers. The other two knowingly take note of it but don't comment. Instead, they sit in silence while Virgil nurses a cup of tea, silently hoping that the youngest would feel better soon, especially after refusing breakfast. 

-

Virgil was quiet during the day, the sickly looking teen not commenting much. It wasn't until the last class that anything actually  _ bad _ happened to him outside of the occasional body-seizing cramp or aches on his hips that hurt so bad that he gets genuine tears in his eyes. 

It was when he was handed Remys' signature jacket, Virgils' best friend softly supplying, "you have blood on your shorts." 

Virgil almost burst into tears then and there, the rest of the day overwhelming. There were so many emotions in him that they canceled each other out, numbing him. He doesn't register the day ending, on autopilot. He doesn't respond to Remus' sibling taunting, Logans' questions, or Romans' excessive personality. His entire mind shuts down while he moves through the school and to his fathers' car, unable to respond. 

As soon as Remus slams the door behind him, Virgil bursts into tears, right there in the middle of the car rider line where Logan, Roman, and Patton can all definitely see him from two cars up. He doesn't care, though, because he was breaking down, a full one that makes his entire body shake and vision blurred beyond just distortion. He's so thankful that he was one of the first few to be picked up and that no one in his class could see. 

"Virgil," Damien attempts. 

Virgil shakes his head, a gentle sign to just  _ leave it be, _ to  _ let it happen. _ Virgil didn't cry too often, so he usually just let himself cry, but this was new and he  _ needed _ to sob, no matter how much it hurt him in the end. He even ends up throwing up on the drive home, vomiting into a plastic bag that, if Virgil didn't know any better, would say Remus was snacking off of. However, after the first time he had almost suffocated from a plastic bag, the boy had sworn them off altogether. 

He sobs even after they get home and he runs to his room, desperately showering in burning water. He continues sobbing as he scrubs blood out of his clothing. He continues sobbing when he pulls out the very first sanitary napkin he's ever used. He keeps sobbing when he finally collapsed on Damiens' bed where the adult was talking to Remus about God knows what. 

The two hold him even after he falls out of the weeping, face stained with tears and eyes red. He was doing his best to simply breathe, binder discarded since he had even got home, stripping of it the second he got there. 

"I started," Virgil confesses. 

Both boys raise their brows, confused at the words, clearly in need of context. 

"My period. I start my period," he bites. 

They both seem to realize what that means, expressions sharpening in something between pity and what Virgil thinks is disgust. 

"Can you still masturbate, " Remus asks, "because Laura H. says periods don't stop anything but a sentence and Laura L. says that that's nasty."

Virgil cringes, tongue stuck out in disgust. "I'm in too much pain to jack off, you nasty rat!"

"I'm just  _ asking!" _

"I'm your brother! Why are you asking me?" 

"Because you're my  _ brother _ and I value your opinions more than theirs!" 

Virgil pauses, fight discarded. 

Remus' eyes widen as he realizes what he said. "Sike, " he yelps. 

But Virgil  _ knows  _ what he heard the other say. Despite the four years they had been official siblings, no bombs like that had been dropped by  _ any _ of the siblings, Virgil and Remus especially. 

So Virgil stares, unsure of how to respond. Their nasty conversation was nothing more than a distant memory as he feels more tears welling up. Before he can stop it, he's crying again. It was just as big of a step as the first time Virgil had called either of his adopted fathers  _ dad  _ for the first time of the first time Virgil had told Roman and Logan,  _ "Yeah, you're my brothers, of course, I'm mean to you. It just means I love you." _

He collapses in Remus' arms once again, unable to stop the tears for a second time that day, albeit two different reasons. 


	9. Virgil/Deceit - heat aftercare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil doesn't understand what Deceit means by aftercare.

There was a stark difference between the beta and omega. With the beta, they expected aftercare to their heats, something that wasn't uncommon. However, with the omega, they didn't expect any sort of aftercare or time off. They powered through their heats, no knowing anything different. 

That was an odd thing about them though, nothing coming out of their heart satisfied. Deceit was beyond confused to find Virgil throwing on his clothes from the two nights previous, acting as if his body didn't scream with an ache and his mind wasn't whirling. 

"What are you doing, " Deceit asks him, a brow raised and worry clear. 

Virgil raises a brow in return. "Going to work?" 

"But you  _ just  _ finished your heat?" 

"And?..." he motions his hand in a churning wheel, confused at the sudden need to be touchy-feely with their mate. Their first heats together after being bonded were intense, too. 

Deceit could feel the strain inside of him, unsure of how to get his concern out. "You're hurting, though!" 

"And I only had three days off, Dee." 

"They'll excuse you for your heat." 

"I can get days off  _ after _ my heat, too?" 

The confusion makes Deceit frown. "Of… of course you can, dead. Were you not aware?" 

"No? Why would I be?" 

"Because it's a law to allow an omega at least ten days off for their heat." 

The confusion burns deep in his chest, though it gets Virgil back to bed, their clothes discarded and voice empty as they silently sob, frustrated by their last abuse, not knowing that simply  _ not powering through it _ was an option. 


	10. Logan/Virgil - A/B/O - Healing - Background DLAMP/CALMD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil was frustrated and Logan knows Virgil was at least trying. 
> 
> Warnings: Past rape/non-con, past abuse, frustration, talks of sex, mentioned sobbing, I'm too tired

The omega silently leans against the touch that slogan provides, still so wary of the contact. It had taken years to get him up to this point, a hand gently placed on his hip, wrapped around Virgils' waist.  _ Three years. _ It had taken  _ three years  _ to avoid a panic attack from the contact. 

Virgil gently presses a kiss to Logans' cheek, hyperaware of the fact that they couldn't go much anywhere beyond this level of intimacy. They could make out, sure, but Virgil could still barely deal with hands touching his face or anymore south than Logan already had. He couldn't tell the world how much he would give to be able to  _ straddle  _ his mate right now. 

He was beyond just _frustrated._ Frustrated was what someone got when things had been going their way the entire day and it was crumbling unhappily at the very end. _Depressed_ and _frustrated_ is how Virgil felt after three, almost _four_ years of moving out of a toxic relationship and _still_ not being able to make love his mate without breaking down. He wanted to be able to sit on his lap without having to brace for it all day and mentally prepare himself. He wanted to be able to lay in a sleeping pile with _all_ of his lovers and not have to scoot away the instant someone had accidentally touched his but while they were asleep. 

Everything was so  _ frustrating  _ and Virgil couldn't do anything about it. Hell, he remembered the first time Roman had accidentally scared him simply because Virgil had opened the door to his room and wasn't expecting him to be there. He had sobbed for  _ hours,  _ then, unable to stop until his brothers' voice calmed him down, the alpha speaking to him with that soft voice he hadn't heard in  _ years. _

The world wasn't kind to Virgil. He knew it wasn't. But he was  _ trying his best. _ To Logan, that was enough. To Patton and Roman and Deceit,  _ that was enough. He _ was enough, even if he couldn't do the same things the others could. 

_ Virgil _ was enough. 


	11. Virgil focus - Falling between Dark and Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abstract drabble where Virgil decides which side he's going to take

_ "Choose."  _

The whisper is almost silent, coming from Virgil himself. 

There were a million options. After he'd left the first time, he had decided the same decision he was now playing for a  _ third  _ time. 

_ Do you stay with the Light Sides or leave with the Others? Became a Dark Side once more, Love? _

Virgil stares at the mirror. 

Tears dribble down his cheeks. The homes were torn, sitting on the center, in the middle of it all, between good and bad. He walked the line with a professional amount of know-how. 

He could be with Remus and Deceit again. He was friends with them both,  _ missed  _ them both so severely that he could still break down over it, still  _ did _ break down. 

He could stay with the light sides. He could maintain his friendships with Roman and Logan and Patton. 

But trust was thin now. 

_ Patton _ decided who was good and bad, lines drawn by  _ Roman _ and  _ Logan. _ What was  _ logically  _ the nicest solution? What was the most  _ creative _ way to save yourself without lying? 

_ Acting  _ was lying. 

Virgil rests his forehead against the porcelain sink. 

_ It's now or never, Virgil,  _ his mind chirps. 

He takes the fall with all the grace he had so many times before, bathed in the darkness that he hadn't called home in  _ so long. _


	12. Remus/Deceit - Family (divorce) au! [Part 1]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil had a fight with Remus and Deceit. Remus is there to pick up the pieces.

Remus had seen so much from his husband. He had seen him at his highest and lowest points, had seen him scream and fight everything to get him to the point he was at now. Despite all of that, he had never seen his husband  _ break down, _ or, at least, not over their  _ child. _

Virgil was strong-willed. He would fight with his parents, that was just what teenagers would  _ do. _ Remus couldn't name how many times he had heard  _ You're not my fucking dad _ aimed towards him. But tonight had been so incredibly  _ rough _ on them. Remus and Deceit had been fighting, had been yelling their hearts out over something petty because that's just  _ how they were. _ It was never truly serious, always resolved by the end of the night. But  _ Virgil  _ had seen it. They didn't even remember how it progressed in Virgil even getting thrown in in the first place, but he  _ had. _ He had spurred on an angry,  _ If I wanted to hear people fight, I would have just stayed with my birth parents. _

The entire fight had come to a crashing halt at hearing that. Remus didn't know how to respond. He really  _ didn't. _ He didn't know about Virgils' past. He didn't know about anything before the adoption outside of what Deceit and Patton had relayed to him before the marriage that certified that Virgil was Remus' just as much as he was Deceits', even if the papers didn't legally say it. 

That hAd resulted in Virgil storming out of the home, yelling out the door,  _ I'm going to see my other dads and Emile. _ His other dads were Patton and his two husbands, Logan and Remus' twin, Roman, who had married only a few months before and gotten legal custody of the older Sanders child, Emile. 

But Deceit was sobbing, absolutely breaking down now, hours after the fight. He cries again Remus, holds him close while the tears pour. He can't help it. 

"His birth parents were  _ horrid, _ Remus!" he exclaims through the tears. "They always fought and they were abusive as could be towards him!" 

It made a few things make more sense now. The reason Virgil always locked his door, the way he made sure to be as quiet as he could possibly which usually meant he was deathly silent, the way that he blended in, the way Remus forgot he was even there more often than not. It also made sense why Deceit couldn't withstand that thought. 

"Deceit, Dear, I'm sure you don't  _ really  _ remind him of them." He sits beside his husband, features softening as he moves. "If we really did, do you think he wouldn't have said something yet that  _ wasn't  _ in the heat of the moment?" 

Deceit slowly shakes his head, though the tears still fall. 

"He didn't say we reminded him of them, either, now did he? He just said he didn't want us fighting, albeit in rather different wording and a bit harshly." He grimaces at his own explanation and frowns when he feels his own tears. 

  
  



	13. Patton/Roman/Logan - Family (divorce) au! [Part 2]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil flees to his ex-fathers' as a safe haven.

Virgil knocks on the door quickly, practically vibrating with anxiety. For one, he walked across town at twelve in the  _ fucking morning. _ For two, he hadn't called, hadn't texted, he just wanted to  _ leave. _ He didn't know why he had yelled. He didn't know why he had said  _ that. _ He just knew that he  _ had  _ and he didn't want to be there to pick up the pieces like he should have. He didn't even get shoes. He just left in what he had on, that being booty shorts, a tank top, and his jacket. He didn't grab his phone charger or earbuds, either. He just walked out and followed the path to his padres' that he knew by heart by now. 

The one to open the door was Remus' twin,  _ Roman, _ though Virgil never exactly got along with the other because Virgil was quick to snap at new people and Roman was solid about first impression being the ones to focus on. 

"Virgil, what are you-" 

"You're not the one I want," Virgil says in a plain voice, pushing past the red-dyed man. He reminded Virgil too much or Remus and that wasn't what he wanted. 

Patton sat on the couch with Logan, the two glasses-clad parents looking tired. Logan looked just about ready to pass out, actually. 

"Is Emile in his room," he asks before they have a chance to say anything else go him. 

"Virgil?" Patton stands up, suddenly alert as can be. He walks over in a couple of strides, gently pressing a hand to the youngests' cheek. "Are you okay? You've been crying…" 

Virgil pushes his hand away, stepping back. "That's not your business." 

"I'm your father,  _ of course, _ it's my business." 

Virgil scoffs, loud an annoyed, tears falling once again. "You lost that right when you signed me over to Dee,  _ jackass. _ Now, where's Emile? I need to talk to him." 

"He's asleep, Vee." 

_ "Fuck." _

Virgil feels more tears fall, all thick and unhappy, all broken and forcing their way out. He never associated with Patton much after the divorce, usually going to Emile because  _ damn  _ was the kid good at calming his little brother down. Now, it feels like he's been slapped in the face. He knew that feeling well enough. It makes him want to vomit, honestly. He was reeling from a million different emotions at once. 

"Virgil, honest, what's going on," Patton asks softly. 

And Virgil blabs because  _ who else is going to listen? _ Someone was there to listen and be concerned, might as well take advantage of it. 

"Remus and Dee were fighting. It wasn't serious because they just play fight and all that or whatever, it's just  _ their thing _ and I got in on it so it did get serious because I guess one of them said my name so I just told them not to rope.me into it or  _ something.  _ But then it was too much all of a sudden and I got angry and they got angry so we were  _ fighting  _ and I just panicked and said that if I wanted to hear people fighting, I would have stayed with my birth parents and me just… I  _ ran." _ His words come out quickly, sputtered through his panic. "I don't know why I said it! They don't remind me of them  _ at all. _ They're nice and they're patient and they don't hit me when I'm too loud or have a panic attack or start spewing nonsense! They're really nice! And Remus is really just like my dad, he  _ really is, _ even if I tell him daily that he's not because the isn't legally my father! They're both nice and they both love me!" 

Patton frowns, softly rushing his child. "Is it okay if I touch you, Vee?" Virgil nods quickly, sniffling as he forces himself to do his breathing exercises that his therapist taught him. Patton gently wraps an arm around his child, the free hand coming up to wipe his cheeks. "It's okay, Vee. Everyone says bad things in the heat of the moment. You can get it patched up in the morning or after school tomorrow, okay? Roman can call Dee and tell him you're here. You can sleep in the guest bedroom tonight." 

Virgil nods. He doesn't want to talk about this anymore. Talking more will make his anxiety throw him beneath the bus again and he doesn't think he can handle that right now. He already feels floaty and light-headed so he softly asks, "Do you have a charger I can borrow tonight?" 

Patton knows it's the way to tell him to let it go without actually saying it. They may not have been as close as they once were, but Patton still remembered some of his mannerisms. 


	14. Virgil focus - Divorce Au

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil wants to know if Patton talks about him much.

"How many times have you cried this week, " Roman teases the emotionally drained eleven-year-old, tossing a glance to Logan, who seems to be giving him a stern expression in return. 

"Twelve within the past three days, " Virgil deadpans from where he's sorting through pieces of clothing, holding them up to Roman before throwing them away again and again. It was an outfit for Remus but the two were identical twins so it wasn't like it mattered. 

"That's a lot, " Logan comments. 

"It's the hormones." 

Logan only seems more confused about that. "I do not believe-"

"Remus, " Virgil calls at the teenager currently chasing around a blonde girl. He stops dead in his tracks, turning towards the other, who only gives a slow shake of his head. Remus frowns but walks away. "Since we're practically playing twenty questions, does Padre ever talk about us at home?" 

Logan frowns. "He speaks commonly of Remus, as does Dee." 

"Okay…" 

Neither catches the way he tenses half-heartedly, distracted by Virgil shArply calling Remus over. The boy runs over like q dog, beyond happy about the outfits Virgil had laid out as possibilities for the upcoming play. 

"He talks often do Remus. It's all positive. What he speaks of you is neutral." 

"Shut up, Specs! That sounds rude!" 

The two brothers begin to argue, but Virgil mostly ignores it. His chest feels right and he wants to cry for a third time that day but it's only ten in the morning so he holds it in in order to just force himself to simply  _ breathe.  _

-

Deceit watches as Virgil unhappily laces his arms around the others' waist, tears falling, so slow but soaking his shirt quickly. He kneels down, frowning at the other. Remus was going to stay with Patton after they had coordinated for two months before Virgil suddenly backed out, all enthusiasm ripped away. Deceit wasn't going to comment on it, blaming it on the newfound hormones and their effects on the youngest Sanders, but that appeared to be a different story now that Virgil was crying to his parent. 

"Did he love me, " Virgil asks through the tears.

"Did who love you, Vee?" 

"Padre. Did… did he  _ really _ love me?" 

An ache settles in Deceits chest. Why would Virgil think he hadn't? 

"Of course he does! Why would you think otherwise?" 

"He didn't want to adopt me an-and Roman 'n' Lo said he never talks good about me bu-b-u-ut he does Remus." The boy shakes with sad sobs that rack his body. 

"Sometimes it hurts too much to talk about someone if you miss them, " Deceit supplies, though he isn't exactly sure with Patton. The man was big on repression, which wouldn't help Deceit much. He can only help Patton really  _ did  _ love Virgil. He still had no idea why Patton never fought for custody over the two boys now in Deceits' own custody but had fought tooth and nail for Logan and Roman. He would never let either of his sons find out about  _ that  _ little detail. 

Virgil keeps crying, though. He cried until his body won't let him anymore. He keeps going until he eventually just gets tired and mumbles that he's going to sleep on the couch with burning eyes and a round of sniffles. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want my parents to love me like they love my siblings...


	15. Virgil - Self-destruction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil falls apart.

Virgil doesn't know what he feels. 

He thinks it's at least discontentment, but he doesn't know. He considers disassociation, too, but he doesn't know. 

He's isolating himself, never in the mood to talk to someone. Days were numbed, but no longer by depression that plagued his like for years of meaningless aches. This was the sort of isolation where he didn't have the motivation. He could look at their messages, stare at them for  _ days,  _ but the motivation and interest to respond was just never there. He didn't want to text them. He just wasn't  _ interested _ anymore. Loneliness crept upon him, overtaking his mind. There was no urge to fix it, either, just the urge to keep scrolling and reblogging. 

He doesn't know what to do. He's read it all, read everything he can find interest in. There's nothing there, no spark of imagination that he used to feel constantly. He doesn't find that happy little fire stirring, just embers, the shells of chicks that hatched and flew the coop before getting roster alive for their misjudgment. He can't find that happy little spark or the comfort the smell of books once gave him. He lost the love he used to hold close to his chest. The excitement died down long ago and couldn't seem to be relit. 

He can't depressed. Well, maybe he is, he isn't exactly sure. His depression seemed to be leaving him, but he wished that depression were back so that then he could at least feel something, fucking  _ anything. _ It pisses him off. All he feels is numb and angry instead of numb, sad, and angry like how he used to feel. The anger used to always delve into depressed episodes, but now it stayed there, buzzing beneath his skin and making him itch, scratching until his skin was raw. He didn't get depressed after. He became  _ numb, _ plagued by the empty feeling that always made his insides cold. He always wanted to scream until his throat burned and his lungs gave out but there were a million different things to prevent that. He couldn't sing his lungs out on emotional songs, either. 

He bites his lips until it bleeds. He does reckless things. He always had, but now they were reckless with passively suicidal intentions that no one caught. They couldn't catch it. It was just things like not looking across the street or not checking the water before he threw himself in it. He didn't care if his neighbors saw his naked figure in the window. He didn't care if he was late with medications that his life depend depended on. If he took it, he took it. If he didn't, he would suffer and that was just that. The passive self-destruction wasn't getting caught on by anyone. That was something Virgil found to be a blessing. 

No one would know. They wouldn't catch the way he caught a momentary high when he skinned his knees or kicked something or slammed the fridge door. They wouldn't catch the passive smiles when he hit his shins and saw trails of red. They wouldn't catch the way he waited until he was alone to break down in a screaming fit of anger. They wouldn't catch the disgusting grains of his own skin beneath his nails after the harsh scratching. They wouldn't catch his bloodied lips or missing clumps of skin on the insides of his cheeks after something pissed him off particularly much. They wouldn't catch the anger that he constantly felt centered towards anyone within his presence long enough. 

He doesn't want to close his eyes. He can't find the motivation. He can't find the energy. 

_ "Maybe I'm just broken."  _

It hurts to think it. It hurts to say it, too. 

It hurts, but Virgil can't find a way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's no happy ending. There's no pull away. There's just me being sad about being angry and numb.

**Author's Note:**

> Please join my Discord server!  
https://discord.gg/eGkwayy


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